Austin, TX <3

Austin, Texas is the easiest place in the lone star state for a roachin ass nigga to get some pussy or at least some head (not for me personally cause I cant stand these pale hippos in raggiddy shoes). The girl to guy ratio is like 10/8 I don't know the exact numbers I'm not a math teacher, but what I do know the exact numbers for. That for every "hot" girl that turns you down there is three "big", "medium big", or "small big" girls with a cute face willing to do what that one hot girl won't and that's with a cute face I didn't even factor in "big ugly", "ugly medium", "big in all the right places but the hoe got an OK face" and probably the #1 slut of them all "nice body but something wrong with the bitch face." This doesn't mean everyone is gonna get some pussy I'm just saying its out there for the taking. Kenny and I met a dude who will never get laid but he was talking bout gnomes and pink hats so I mean that's on him. I am gonna go ahead and give up the game yet again. Follow these guide lines and your roachin ass might get some pussy.

#1. Take a mother fucking SHOWER (we know you ratty and what not but its not gonna hurt you only help)

#2. Start drinking(pre-gaming)but not to much cause you don't want to get zilla'ed hoes don't like sloppy.

#3. Buy yourself some coke and I'm not talking the soft drink (coke head hoes put out)

#4. Make sure you got your wing man cause its hard with out him or even better her. no need to explain cause if you don't get it you ain't gettin any.

#5. Go to Down Town if you low on cash cause you bought coke and the shower you took washed your money away that's OK get you some P.O.D.'s (previously owned drinks) you'll go from nervous to ready in no time.

#6. Stick with what you know if you look like johnny thunders don't go to fuel go to jack-o-lantern or side creek but if you decent you can go any where. I'm talking shit but what I am saying is if you go straight downtown from riding you probably have no business being in public.

#7. Tell them hoes you ride BMX... SIKE you better LIE and come up with something better than that. Examples I'm from England, I'm work for NASA, My dad own Canada you know believable shit. now it gets easy.

#8. Drink till your standards are Low

#9. Shake yo ass W.W.K.D. (what would Kareem do)


#10. after all that you might get some pussy.

P.S. if you happen to get some beat it up good cause these hoes out here will spread the word and then you don't have to do shit but sit back play xbox, smoke refeer, and get that good head.