MAKE IT IN THE HOUSE

The first thought most of us have when we wake up from a good night of binge drinking is "how the fuck did I make it in the house?" whether you wake up next to a big girl in a strange place or to a house filled of smoke because you made to cab driver stop at 7/11, bought a pizza, put it in the oven, and then fell asleep cause you wanted that hoe extra crispy. If you can handle run-on sentences and all around bad grammar read this shit. I'm going to break it down so no matter how black out drunk you are, not making it in the house is not an option. Then you can spend your morning trying to figure out the night with the memories you had between black outs.

1. Drive yo dumb ass home and risk the D.U.I. they not lying when they say you can't afford it.

2. Take a cab home but don't puke in the cab that shit is $100 fine. From downtown its never more than $20 to get your basic ass home.

3. Use the buddy system cause two lost drunk motha fuckas is always better than one or the story is always batter that way.

4. Get a fat hoe to take you home, they never get pulled over.

5. If you get lost some where and you have know clue where you are find something that can give you a physical address be creative, because cab drivers don't like hearing "come to the corner of such and such I'll be in the street looking sketchy."

6. Go to jail because if you woke up there you know you had a wild night.

7. Last but not least take the E-Bus home A.K.A. THE DRUNK BUS its a wonderful place you can wild the fuck out just to many reasons to explain and if you on some next level shit have you cab waiting for you at the bus stop so you don't have to walk anywhere.

That's how you hold down the M.I.I.T.H. (making it in the house) its no mystery when you got your basic survival instincts ready for anything so now the first thing you think when you wake up is "remember when I was doing the stanky leg with that fat hoe at the club."

-j. hawley